Why bars are the best third spaces with Danu Social House’s Joshua Zachariah

How did Danu come to be?

It was always something I thought I would do when I retired.

It was based on an idea I'd had for a bar as far back as when I was 16. I was inspired by reading about literary salons in Vienna. My great-grandfather had written about how all real intellectual thinking happens in bars. And I've always loved the atmosphere of a bar. Give me a bar over a cafe any day.

One of the reasons I wanted to create Danu was for people who didn't have access to a third space. I was lucky in the sense that I had my friends' houses and that my dad and my sister encouraged me to build community as well. So, we hosted a lot.

And then, I went through a classic 28-year-old quarter life crisis working at a job that was falling apart for a number of reasons. I was talking to a friend of mine and I was like, “I've had this idea for a while.”

And I had worked in and out of the industry a little bit. I had one real bartender job. And he was like, “Go do it. What would you need? Let's make it happen.” And that started this snowball that kind of got out of control, if I'm being entirely honest. He offered the first real chunk of money for Danu.

I went back home, and all my friends and family were like: “Yes, we've been waiting for you to do this for a long time.” My sister actually had money put aside since we were 19.

And those friend groups from back home have a direct tie to Danu, as most of the money for this bar came from them.

Our audience has shared how particularly hard it can be to make friends in the city, compared to places like Montreal. Even studies have shown that Torontonians are the loneliest Canadians. How have you shaped Danu to be a welcoming third space for those who struggle to connect with others?

I've lived in a bunch of places and it’s just hard to make friends. It's also just colder being in your mid-20s to mid-40s, you know? It's cold being an adult. In school, we got this network that was just handed to us.

Being an adult and trying to make friends and make community sucks. And I think Toronto does have a certain hard-to-get-in-ness — and that's part of what Danu solves.

It’s intention. If you say to people: “This is a place for you to engage with each other,” then people do.

One of the best examples of that is our event, “House Party,” which is one of my favourite events. One of my real goals for this bar was to capture that feeling when you get invited to some friend's house party, but you don't really know anyone there. Then, you get there and you feel a little awkward at first, but you meet a couple of really cool people and you just end up having a really good night engaging with people and you feel welcomed into those spaces where you didn't know anybody. I wanted that feeling to be what this bar is.

And we do have people whose job is to walk around, introduce themselves to people and make them feel welcomed and feel like they're being hosted. Even on a regular day, that's something that the staff and a lot of the regulars try to be good about.

What’s your advice for those looking to create their own third spaces? Whether it’s at Danu, their homes, or a local park?

I think I would take advice from my dad and just have an open door. I think that's the key. And he does that in a pretty remarkable way.

My dad has this party at his house that has happened once a week since I was six years old. It's been decades of people coming in and out of that house at various times.

When I was little, he would just tell everyone we fucking met about his party. He'd pick me up from school and tell the parents. We'd hang out in the park and he’d tell some people. It was a completely open door, but it had filters on behavior once you got there.

I think that's a big philosophy of Danu, too. I think that needs to be a big part of making any space, whether that space is your home or whether that space is a literal third space. The door is open, but people gotta be safe.

You're not going to tolerate everything, but the door is always open for whoever will come in. If you want more third spaces, you need to open the space you have access to, host more things and invite a wider variety of people than you normally would, knowing that it's going to be work.

This stuff doesn't just work out. You're going to get people who are shitheads. So, being able to craft that vibe and the safe space that you want takes work. But, I think that the first step is definitely just finding any occasion and saying: “You're all welcome, but here's the intention.”

Have very clear boundaries of what is acceptable in the space and stick to them. And then, as a follow up to that, have a very clear way to come back if someone fucks up. Because being a good person just means trying to be a better person.

This interview was edited and condensed for clarity.